Barnnelced is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, loving walrus.

Barnnelced created the Milkyway eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnnelced, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Barnnelced, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Barnnelced's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Barnnelced's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Barnnelced.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Run away from magenta mice, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not dye your hair white.