Yarpstignan is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, thoughtless squid.

Yarpstignan created light nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpstignan, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Yarpstignan, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Yarpstignan's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Yarpstignan's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Do not take Yarpstignan's name in vain.

4. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.