Kamfagbidshavcar is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, two-faced deer.

Kamfagbidshavcar created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kamfagbidshavcar, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kamfagbidshavcar, he will turn you into a dog.

Kamfagbidshavcar's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Kamfagbidshavcar's Holy Commandments

1. Always help eagles in need.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always treat snails with great respect.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not cook food in pots.