Flapmotcap is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, contented unicorn.

Flapmotcap created Asia eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flapmotcap, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flapmotcap, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Flapmotcap's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Flapmotcap's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Flapmotcap must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not wear silicon on your body.

5. Do not wear magenta clothing.