Hasgepbid is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, conceited cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Hasgepbid created vertebrates three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasgepbid, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hasgepbid, she will ignore you.

Hasgepbid's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Hasgepbid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nebulae.

2. You must pray to Hasgepbid eight times a day.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always help mites in need.