Watfudnan is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, unfair pig.

Watfudnan created the planet Venus eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Watfudnan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Watfudnan, she will turn you into a frog.

Watfudnan's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Watfudnan's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into purple rooms.

2. Do not take Watfudnan's name in vain.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Watfudnan.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.