Govnargam is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, humorless duck.

Govnargam created oxygen nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Govnargam, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Govnargam, she will turn you into a mouse.

Govnargam's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Govnargam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Run away if five shrews approach from the south.

3. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

4. You must love Govnargam.

5. Do not covet oxen.