Padontfumcardonbonvonk Fenbatmap is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, emotional whale.

Padontfumcardonbonvonk Fenbatmap created bats eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Padontfumcardonbonvonk Fenbatmap, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Padontfumcardonbonvonk Fenbatmap, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Padontfumcardonbonvonk Fenbatmap's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Padontfumcardonbonvonk Fenbatmap's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Shrews are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. You must pray to Padontfumcardonbonvonk Fenbatmap seven times a day.

5. Never write about cell theory.