Ditfosszimtabwikbastbif is a god.

It takes the form of a large, compassionate newt.

Ditfosszimtabwikbastbif created the universe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ditfosszimtabwikbastbif, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Ditfosszimtabwikbastbif, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Ditfosszimtabwikbastbif's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Ditfosszimtabwikbastbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always look after injured rats.

3. Ditfosszimtabwikbastbif loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

4. Hide from green grasshopers for they are unholy.

5. Never think about stars.