Vonkjighas is a god.

She takes the form of a small, wise manatee.

Vonkjighas created the solar system six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkjighas, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vonkjighas, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Vonkjighas' most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Vonkjighas' Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Feed all hungry eagles.

3. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never paint your hands yellow.