Hakhamzog is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ill-tempered slug.

Hakhamzog created an atom four million years ago.

If you believe in Hakhamzog, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Hakhamzog, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hakhamzog's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Hakhamzog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not wear mauve clothing.

4. Always help bats.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.