Xuckonttigstancidwik Linpignellkopyarlmannad is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, uncaring newt.

Xuckonttigstancidwik Linpignellkopyarlmannad created a charm quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckonttigstancidwik Linpignellkopyarlmannad, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xuckonttigstancidwik Linpignellkopyarlmannad, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Xuckonttigstancidwik Linpignellkopyarlmannad's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Xuckonttigstancidwik Linpignellkopyarlmannad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Xuckonttigstancidwik Linpignellkopyarlmannad on top of all buildings.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Xuckonttigstancidwik Linpignellkopyarlmannad loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

5. Never mention aardvarks.