Gemzanmil is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, ruthless narwhal.

Gemzanmil created dark energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gemzanmil, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gemzanmil, she will destroy your home solar system.

Gemzanmil's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Gemzanmil's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never feed coconuts to otters while wearing fawn stockings.

4. Do not take Gemzanmil's name in vain.

5. Never talk about comets.