Metstragjan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, tiresome unicorn.

Metstragjan created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metstragjan, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Metstragjan, it will try to impress you with trees.

Metstragjan's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Metstragjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about bread.

2. Always help seals in need.

3. Never talk about foxes.

4. Metstragjan loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.