Vagquartlam Metzigvad is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, passionate seal.

Vagquartlam Metzigvad created a photon four million years ago.

If you believe in Vagquartlam Metzigvad, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Vagquartlam Metzigvad, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Vagquartlam Metzigvad's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Vagquartlam Metzigvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. You must love Vagquartlam Metzigvad.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not take Vagquartlam Metzigvad's name in vain.

5. You must pray to Vagquartlam Metzigvad four times a day.