Lancemdam is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, compassionate toad.

Lancemdam created a charm quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lancemdam, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Lancemdam, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Lancemdam's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Lancemdam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

2. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Do not wear gold on your body.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never write about black holes.