Mitladhan is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, overgenerous goblin.

Mitladhan created life three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mitladhan, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Mitladhan, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Mitladhan's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Mitladhan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Mitladhan loves rats, so they must be respected.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Mitladhan.

4. Never paint your feet black.

5. Never sit near birds.