Goffengut is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, loving armadillo.

Goffengut created the planet Mars eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Goffengut, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Goffengut, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Goffengut's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Goffengut's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear indigo.

2. Goffengut loves otters, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never write about comets.

5. Never sing near dogs.