Gudvolmet is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, bad-tempered dolphin.

Gudvolmet created a photon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gudvolmet, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gudvolmet, she will turn you into a plant.

Gudvolmet's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Gudvolmet's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Do not dye your hair violet.

5. Never wear red stockings.