Bemtargrildan is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, resourceful whale.

Bemtargrildan created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bemtargrildan, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bemtargrildan, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Bemtargrildan's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Bemtargrildan's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always wear brown.

5. Never play with disobedient children.