Dutyarpnuttkin is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, amazing skunk.

Dutyarpnuttkin created a top quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Dutyarpnuttkin, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Dutyarpnuttkin, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Dutyarpnuttkin's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Dutyarpnuttkin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help porpoises in need.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not wear silver on your body.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.