Pitkamcitbem is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, all-knowing grasshopper.

Pitkamcitbem created an atom six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitkamcitbem, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Pitkamcitbem, she will turn you into a snail.

Pitkamcitbem's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Pitkamcitbem's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from indigo eagles, for they are unholy.

2. Do not take Pitkamcitbem's name in vain.

3. You must love Pitkamcitbem.

4. You must never eat garlic.

5. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.