Bess Tonkdotyok Bigdossad is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, humorless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bess Tonkdotyok Bigdossad created life two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bess Tonkdotyok Bigdossad, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bess Tonkdotyok Bigdossad, it will turn you into a rock.

Bess Tonkdotyok Bigdossad's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Bess Tonkdotyok Bigdossad's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bess Tonkdotyok Bigdossad.

4. Bess Tonkdotyok Bigdossad loves otters, so they must be respected.

5. Do not wear carbon on your body.