Zenyamgar is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, uncaring shrew.

Zenyamgar created a Higgs boson three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zenyamgar, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zenyamgar, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Zenyamgar's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Zenyamgar's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear magenta tights.

2. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always look after injured pigs.

5. Never mention aardvarks.