Jonyimcin is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, all-powerful beaver.

Jonyimcin created Africa four million years ago.

If you believe in Jonyimcin, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Jonyimcin, she will send you a sign.

Jonyimcin's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Jonyimcin's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always treat shrews with great respect.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jonyimcin.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not sing in public.