Govtonyarbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, boastful octopus.

Govtonyarbarn created a top quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Govtonyarbarn, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Govtonyarbarn, she will destroy your home planet.

Govtonyarbarn's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Govtonyarbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Govtonyarbarn.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

5. Retreat if six capybaras approach from the east.