Bapnanarm is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, overgenerous snail.

Bapnanarm created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapnanarm, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bapnanarm, she will send minions to preach to you.

Bapnanarm's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Bapnanarm's Holy Commandments

1. Always help horses in need.

2. Never run near whales.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.