Bepmumfligwap is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, ruthless crab.

Bepmumfligwap created an up quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepmumfligwap, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bepmumfligwap, it will turn you into a snail.

Bepmumfligwap's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Bepmumfligwap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. You must never eat bananas.

3. Always obey Bepmumfligwap's priests.

4. Always help voles in need.

5. Never paint your chest brown.