Ontquilldap is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, boastful elephant.

Ontquilldap created everything that exists nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ontquilldap, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ontquilldap, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Ontquilldap's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Ontquilldap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about gooseberries.

2. Never think about amino acids.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Do not drink water in green rooms.