Flatkamton is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, weak gorilla.

Flatkamton created humankind nine million years ago.

If you believe in Flatkamton, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flatkamton, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Flatkamton's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Flatkamton's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Run away from indigo seals, for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flatkamton.