Hakmitlab is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, dishonourable grasshopper.

Hakmitlab created the Sun seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hakmitlab, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hakmitlab, she will try to impress you with trees.

Hakmitlab's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Hakmitlab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Hakmitlab's name in vain.

2. Never skip near ducks.

3. Always look after injured nematodes.

4. Never sit in the presence of rats.

5. Never wear hats.