Tifhincattip is a god.

She takes the form of a large, awe-inspiring pig.

Tifhincattip created a photon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifhincattip, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tifhincattip, she will turn you into a slug.

Tifhincattip's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tifhincattip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.