Orthinpogfun is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, clever crow.

Orthinpogfun created a Higgs boson three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Orthinpogfun, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Orthinpogfun, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Orthinpogfun's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Orthinpogfun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Orthinpogfun's name in vain.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not dye your hair brown.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not skip in public.