Kenfumbassquim Poprilfom is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, calm walrus.

Kenfumbassquim Poprilfom created snails seven million years ago.

If you believe in Kenfumbassquim Poprilfom, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kenfumbassquim Poprilfom, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Kenfumbassquim Poprilfom's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Kenfumbassquim Poprilfom's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three doves approach from the north.

2. Kenfumbassquim Poprilfom must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never hurt birds.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.