Quamgutcun is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unfair dragon.

Quamgutcun created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Quamgutcun, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Quamgutcun, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Quamgutcun's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Quamgutcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near foxes.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. Always help moths in need.

4. Never wear yellow shorts.

5. Never pour water over plants.