Dadkamyakdab is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, emotional bear.

Dadkamyakdab created dark matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dadkamyakdab, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Dadkamyakdab, she will turn you into a tree.

Dadkamyakdab's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Dadkamyakdab's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never look at nebulae.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not wear titanium on your body.

5. Never feed cucumbers to goats while wearing gray scarves.