Tonktonsas is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, conceited giraffe.

Tonktonsas created a charm quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonktonsas, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tonktonsas, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Tonktonsas' most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tonktonsas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not kill squirrels.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.