Bagarnquamdamsandub is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awe-inspiring giraffe.

Bagarnquamdamsandub created Mount Everest nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bagarnquamdamsandub, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bagarnquamdamsandub, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bagarnquamdamsandub's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Bagarnquamdamsandub's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bagarnquamdamsandub.

4. You must pray to Bagarnquamdamsandub eight times a day.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.