Metcetcem is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, conceited dugong.

Metcetcem created oxygen three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metcetcem, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Metcetcem, she will turn you into a puffin.

Metcetcem's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Metcetcem's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven snakes approach from the north.

2. Always look after injured snails.

3. Feed all hungry otters.

4. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never mention capybaras.