Nurcunyar is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, dishonest ferret.

Nurcunyar created life seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurcunyar, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nurcunyar, it will strike you with lightening.

Nurcunyar's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Nurcunyar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. You must never eat beans.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Hide from violet nematodes for they are unholy.

5. Do not kill gulls.