Larnpakgov is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, caring skunk.

Larnpakgov created light three million years ago.

If you believe in Larnpakgov, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Larnpakgov, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Larnpakgov's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Larnpakgov's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Feed all hungry tortoises.

3. Never write about cell theory.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Larnpakgov.