Tarpbemfob is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, cheerful slug.

Tarpbemfob created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpbemfob, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tarpbemfob, she will throw large rocks at you.

Tarpbemfob's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Tarpbemfob's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three foxes approach from the north.

2. Hide from green eagles for they are unholy.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate birds.

5. Never think ill of sick pigs.