Gupfunjip is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, overgenerous human.

Gupfunjip created a charm quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gupfunjip, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gupfunjip, she will boil you in a big pot.

Gupfunjip's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Gupfunjip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear iron on your body.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. Never talk about gulls.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not eat grapes.