Yokfobkemvan is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, self-confident dog.

Yokfobkemvan created dark matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yokfobkemvan, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yokfobkemvan, he will manifest in front of you.

Yokfobkemvan's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Yokfobkemvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never wear black tights.

3. Do not take Yokfobkemvan's name in vain.

4. You must never eat bananas.

5. Always stare at clouds.