Gabsabcet is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, moody snake.

Gabsabcet created bats eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gabsabcet, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gabsabcet, she will turn you into a worm.

Gabsabcet's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Gabsabcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in holy places.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Run away from magenta rats, for they are unholy.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

5. Do not take Gabsabcet's name in vain.