Montunfot Tonhugrak is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, deceitful jaguar.

Montunfot Tonhugrak created a strange quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Montunfot Tonhugrak, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Montunfot Tonhugrak, she will turn you into a snail.

Montunfot Tonhugrak's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Montunfot Tonhugrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Montunfot Tonhugrak.

5. Monkeys are not to be trusted.