Somtikwik is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, grumpy hummingbird.

Somtikwik created bats six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somtikwik, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Somtikwik, it will cry a lot.

Somtikwik's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Somtikwik's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Erect a large tin sculpture of Somtikwik on top of all buildings.