Tikwontin is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, blissful zebra.

Tikwontin created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikwontin, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Tikwontin, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Tikwontin's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Tikwontin's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt turtles.

2. Never wear tights.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not kill shrews.