Gemfarngutfet is a god.

It takes the form of a small, caring seal.

Gemfarngutfet created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Gemfarngutfet, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gemfarngutfet, it will ignore you.

Gemfarngutfet's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Gemfarngutfet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear cyan clothing.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Gemfarngutfet loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

5. Never go into yellow rooms.