Gunwancub is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unselfish manatee.

Gunwancub created a strange quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gunwancub, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Gunwancub, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Gunwancub's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Gunwancub's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Hide if five rats approach from the north.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Hide from indigo turtles for they are unholy.